it's jill's blog and i'll post cause she lets me.

I like to make lists. It’s something I picked up from my dad. My dad writes the way he speaks; clearly. When I was living at home I remember my dad would go on about the never ending list of things he had to do. And bits of paper with lists were all over the place. This was a man who helped run a household and worked odd shift hours for forty years. His work was never done. There was always a trench to be dug, a room to be wallpapered, a child to be transported. He’s retired now but he still makes lists as there is always something to do. I always have stuff to do too. Jill wonders how I always have stuff to do, and so do I. I can't quite decide if it’s because I'm lazy or motivated. I was about to make a list of things to do when I get home today, but I started this instead so I'll add making a list to the list of things I need to do later.

How does making lists help me? I know that if by some miracle I get everything on a list done in a given evening, I go to bed very satisfied. But this doesn't happen that often. Like most people, I'm pretty tired when I come in from work. It happens on the commute I think. We work 9-5 for a reason. Over the generations, the powers that be have deduced that the worker is at their most productive between these hours. What you do with the little energy you have left is up to you, but you are fighting a losing battle with fatigue and motivation. Lately for me it works like this; during the course of a day I'll think of various tasks I need to get done and make a list. On the train I go over the list and figure out an order of execution. At some point during this trip a change occurs. I hardly notice it but there is not doubt that it happens. By the time I get home the vast majority of the energy I had leaving work has gone. I thought it might be the stuffy air of the subway, but then I remembered that the same thing used to happen when I cycled back to the Portobello flat from FDS, and that took all of 7 minutes. If anything a brisk cycle should wake me up a bit, but no, I get in the door and I'm fucked. That’s not to say I need to sleep right then. I can make dinner, go to the pub, go to the shops. I can consume and I can, if it’s a rehearsal night, go to a room and make noise with other humans. But to sit down at this point of the day and have to engage in an activity that requires concentration or creativity I find really difficult.

My friend Anthony works from home. He has done so for most of his working life. I do recall a few periods when he was office based, and I recall that he hated it. I play music with Anthony. In truth I play in Anthony's band, but over the last few years we've been playing a few of my songs. I don't write songs very often. I did when I was in my late teens, I shat songs. A lot of them weren't very good, but there were loads of them. Anthony writes lots of songs. I believe this is because being at home - or at least on his own time - means that when the mood takes him, he'll mess about on the guitar, or even record a basic demo. He gives out about the fact that it takes me for ages to finish anything. It’s not deliberate, it’s just that unless I'm going to disappoint anybody but myself, it takes a lot to get me going in the PM. I wouldn't mind but Anthony writes plenty of songs about what pain it is to have to work!

Anyway, the songwriting analogy is a bit naff, it goes for anything. Recently I have been trying to teach myself some additional computer languages in the hope that when I get back to Ireland I can get a half decent job. But again it takes me weeks to complete a tutorial I know should only take a few hours. What I’m doing now is case in point. There is not a hope in hell that I would sit down and write this at home. But here I am bashing away because its 1145 and I really should be doing my WFG Directs and 3009 tracking. I’m pretty sure I’m not dumb, and I guess this could be me trying to argue myself out of admitting that I’m lazy. Or maybe I am being stripped of my energy by 'the man' and the never ending need to buy things from him. But back to lists, and why they make me feel better.

I suppose it’s like consolidating your debts. With a list, I lie in bed of an evening knowing exactly what I haven't gotten of my ass and done. I have found this to be preferable to realizing at different times that I forgot to do this or that. A consolidation of frustration if you will. Knowing what frustrates you allows you to be frustrated in nice condensed periods. This means that it doesn't bother me that often and consequently I go about my business without spending too much energy worrying about doing the stuff on the list not being done. And so the cycle continues.

#. Sql tutorial 2
#. Get loops out of Reason
#. Finish Lab East flat for Kris
#. Portfolio site
#. Set up axe (get small screwdriver)
#. Demo for Dudley
#. Review edits from Hugh
#. Mail Rach about meeting Cathyfly

---NOTE---
Ya'll might be wondering why all of a sudden I’m posting on Jill’s blog. The reason is pretty simple. At the end of last week my supervisor took me aside and told me to watch my email traffic. For the last month or so Jill, Damian and I have been sending each other articles to read while we trudge through our respective days. I got pretty used to it and it’s annoying that it's stopped. Also, as I said yesterday, I’m trying to write again. I’ve a little under 2 weeks left on the job so the Wimbledon analogy may not have been so stupid after all.